I wouldn’t say I’m anti-cat, I would just say I’m extremely pro-dog…you know what, I am anti-cat, but that’s a topic for a different time. I am a dog person through and through. But I am very selective about my dogs. I enjoy watching all dogs play from a good distance as a daily pastime, but there are always certain ones I would dare go near to and even fewer that I would touch. You see, dogs, while they are the most perfect creatures on this earth, can be very temperamental and intimidating, especially for someone with a short stature such as myself. Therefore, I have compiled a list of the worst and best species of dogs in order in the opinion of a girl who owns none. Let’s get into it! (Disclaimer: I love all dogs!)

• Bulldog – 0/10

Now hear me out. Bulldogs are not only fat, but they are lazy, they drool, and on top of all of that they are pretty darned ugly. I’m sorry, but it had to be said. It’s what you’re thinking anyway. Like, look at this picture. You cannot tell me that this dog is cute. It looks malicious. Almost as if it’s conspiring its next attack. Not cute. Not cuddleable. Will stand 10+ feet away.

• Chihuahua – 1/10

Chihuahua’s aren’t even dogs. They’re just straight-up rats. They’re so skinny and have those beady eyes. And don’t even get me started on that yap. That voice resonates at a frequency almost too high for humans to even hear, and God is it annoying. Sure, they might be cute sometimes, but they’re just so small. I feel like I’m going to sit down and the dog is just going to disappear. While they are still a 1/10, Beverly Hills Chihuahua did offer them some nice representation in the media and was able to highlight their mediocre acting abilities. (And George Lopez was phenomenal!)

• Pug – 3.5/10

Okay, look, you could probably make some sort of case for pugs. They can be a little cute from a distance. But upon closer inspection of their face, you can see all the snot and drool and other bodily fluids that leave their faces. Even their eyes make them look like they are in a constant state of a nervous breakdown with their blank expressions and tears. And once you get down to it, aren’t pugs just smaller bulldogs? I rest my case.

• Poodles – 4/10

Poodles are the most pretentious species in existence. Just look at them with their glamorous hair-dos. They probably don’t even speak French! They do have floofy ears, though.

• Pomeranian – 5/10

A pomeranian is just a cute chihuahua and you can’t tell me otherwise. Sure, they’re cute and fluffy and small, but what do they even do? They just sit there in celebrities’ laps to take Instagram photos. That is literally all they are good for. They can’t run with their little legs (I can’t relate). And to top it all off, they have that annoying, glass-shattering bark.

• Corgi – 7/10

Ok, corgis are really cute. They’re short and have floofy bellies, and perky ears. They’ve got a lot of love to give. However, this doesn’t change the fact that they look like an underdeveloped pup. A corgi is a dog that didn’t have enough time to be built and was rushed out of the factory before they had time to put on legs. In a rush to give the pupper some feet, they just grabbed little nubs and called it a day. You cannot tell me that this dog is able to support all of its weight on those useless hands.

• Yorkshire Terrier – 8/10

Yorkies are top-quality dogs. They are the perfect size for snuggles, they are not particularly noisy and they have the softest fur and the cutest little faces. You cannot look at this picture and tell me that you don’t want to pet this little guy. They’ve got so much love to give in such a small package. Their only downside is their yappy bark. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I’d adopt 20 of them.

• Dachshund – 9/10

A dachshund is a living sausage. Prove me wrong. Oh, wait…you can’t. A dachshund’s expression gives off the impression that it is scared for its life, but it also just wants to chill. I aspire to radiate that kind of energy. They have floppy ears and cute paws and a wonderful snout. I just wish they had the body parts necessary to run a little bit faster. However, they compensate with their cuteness. God, I want one! 

• Husky – 9.5/10

Now, I’m not usually a big dog type of person. I typically don’t like it when an animal is larger than me, but I make the exception for huskies. Huskies are gorgeous animals. They have piercing blue eyes and soft and smooth fur. They are loyal companions and just want to be loved. Plus, their puppies are adorable! They may look tough on the outside, but they’ve got a big heart.

• Golden Retriever – 10/10

The best dog in the whole world. Just looking at this picture has me smiling. Golden retrievers are pure, wholesome sunshine and happiness in animal form. They have appeared on the big screen in A Dog’s Purpose, Air Bud, and Air Buddies. Not to mention, the Tanner’s dog on Fuller House, Comet was one as well. They’re just as cute as babies as they are as full adults. They’re here for a good time.

While all dogs are beautiful creatures, golden retrievers will always be the best. Now, more than ever is a great time to adopt, if not foster a dog. There are many shelters that would be happy to give you their little furballs. Plus, they will not only cheer you up, but they will keep you busy! Or, if you’re like me, you can just watch more dog videos on YouTube! 🙂