Have you ever heard of gaslighting? This word is often used by our generation. Surprisingly, the word “gaslighting” was nominated and published by Merriam Webster as the 2022 Word of the Year. To define, gaslighting is a subtle form of psychological manipulation in which a person manipulates others into doubting themselves, thereby strengthening their control.
The interesting fact about the origin of “gaslighting” is that it derives from the literal meaning of lighting and controlling the gaslight at home, more popularly showcased through a British play, Gaslight. In the play, the husband wanted to steal jewelry through making his wife, the owner of the jewelry, into thinking that she was delusional. As he secretly dims the gas light, the house gets darker, which confuses the wife. As the wife asks her husband about the spontaneous darkness, he denies and claims she is overly sensitive, hyper-imaginative, and hallucinating. He succeeds in making her think she is going out of her mind. Then, without his wife’s awareness, he searches for the jewelry for his own good. Ultimately, the play served to be a model for this unique psychological phenomenon for years to come.
A renowned psychologist, Dr. Robin Stern, explains on her website that gaslighting often occurs in intimate relationships, such as between family members, friends in school, or romantic partners, where manipulation takes the form of emotional attachment. It generally happens when someone seeks to control and oppress another person through manipulative power. Gaslighting happens quite frequently beyond our expectations, but it is hard to quickly notice since it is extremely subtle and unnoticeable. It also happens among people who are supposed to be trustworthy and nurturing. Gaslighting can be extremely dangerous and brutal as shown through the Betty Broderick murder story.
In 1989, Broderick was manipulated and mentally abused by her husband for many years, which ultimately ended in a divorce. Unfortunately, even after this incident, Broderick’s mental instability worsened. On November 5, 1989, she intruded her ex-husband’s house and murdered him and his new wife. In the court, Broderick claimed, “If he had hit me with a bat, I would’ve been able to show others.” This gruesome incident shows how gaslighting can destroy not only one but multiple people, proving that gaslighting comes with no benefits for either party.
Regardless of age, the effects of gaslighting can be found when you excessively depend on someone. As mentioned earlier, since both the person being gaslighted and those around them can suffer significantly, efforts to break free from gaslighting are crucial. The cause of gaslighting comes from an imbalanced relationship where one exerts control. Stephanie Sarkis, a mental health expert and the author of the best-selling book Gaslighting, suggests to victims, “acknowledge and reform your own value…you didn’t do anything to cause someone to treat you that way.”
Gaslighting leaves invisible wounds that cannot be easily healed. However, these days, gaslighting has become a word that’s been easily thrown around amongst our friends and family members. So next time, when your friend tries to correct your false information, let’s try to think about the correct meaning beforehand, rather than saying, “You’re gaslighting me!”
