It’s important to remember that when you multitask, you’re never giving whatever you’re doing your undivided attention. Walking is a task, so when you’re on your phone or goofing off with your friends in the hallways, you’re missing the point entirely. JUST WALK TO CLASS, PLEASE.

Stay on the right side; it’s the right side.

I guess I’ll have to give the freshies and sophomores the benefit of the doubt—after all, they don’t drive. But still! Have you ever ridden a bike, scooter, roller skates, golf cart, or pogo stick? Unless we’ve suddenly turned into Brits, I don’t see why walking on the left side of the hallway feels like the right thing to do.

Walk at a speed faster than a snail sliding to a funeral.

Seems like common sense, no? Well, not so much. I think it’s safe to say that a majority of the people have obnoxiously slow walkers at the top of their pet peeves list, and I don’t blame them. Slow walkers in the hallways of a high school make everything ten times worse; you’re trying to get to class so you can cram in the three questions you need to know the answers to for the test you’re about to take, and BAM, you get stuck right behind the second semester senior sauntering to their physics class. Not fun. Now, I’m not saying we all have to be Usain Bolt as soon as we set foot in the hallway, but it’s important to remember that we’ve got places to be and people to see!

Limit phone usage.

Part of the reason people walk slowly is that their neck is incapable of retracting from its 90-degree position towards the floor. It’s almost impossible to look at your phone, walk at an acceptable speed, AND look where you’re going. There are very few people who can do that, so make it easier for all of us and do only the last two. I promise that Instagram won’t suddenly be deleted, and it will be there later for you to check at your heart’s content. And if you can’t hear the struggles and purposely loud and guilt-inducing sighs behind you, maybe try taking the AirPods out and focus instead on where you’re going.

Keep moving!

I cannot stress enough how important this is.  It’s one thing to move at a speed that gives sloths a run for their money, but having an intimate rendezvous with the back of the person in front of you is even more frustrating. It’s important to remember that there is a constant flow of students walking through the halls and standing like a dead tree in the middle of that flow will do exactly what you think—annoy everyone around you.

Empty your backpack.

High school can be scary, and I understand that even though you haven’t even opened your physical science textbook the entire year, you really believe today will be the day that your teacher will fail you if you don’t have it. Totally. Understandable. But there are these really convenient storage spaces that every single student has. If you’ve ever felt forgotten, remember that you were given your very own locker. Every student has one. And I think the best part of all is that they’re actually IN THE SCHOOL! So, in the case every single class you have one day requires you to bring your binder, folder, textbook, pencil case, laptop, planner, accordion filer, and entire crafting set along, you could actually just leave it in your locker and get it before the class instead of dragging it along all day long. Additionally, if you really can’t empty your bag for whatever reason, the least you could do is watch out where you’re swinging that thing.

DON’T STAND IN GROUPS.

School is boring enough as it is, and I know that one of the only saving graces is being able to socialize with the people you go home and talk about behind their backs (but that’s none of my business). The thing is, a nice table in the library is a much better place to discuss the “insane Fortnite win you copped last night” with your squad. These halls were made for walking, not talking.

This also includes waiting to enter a class. Yay, congrats! You made it to class and now you don’t even need to worry about walking through the halls. We must remember, my friends, that there are—get ready—other people in the school who are still walking in the halls and need to get to class. GASP. I know—shocking. Other people matter too? Yes. Please just be considerate and realize that just because you’re not walking in the halls, others are and need the same respect you would want.

THE WALL

Along with its counterpart, the Group, the Wall is not as intimidating as its political twin, but it is just as frustrating. And look, I’m all for standing side by side, but really only when it’s when we’re joining hands and singing Kumbaya, not walking from the locker rooms to math. The Wall beats the group because at least the Wall moves, yet the Wall prompts frequent stops as it is too difficult to have a conversation, look at the person you’re talking to, and walk all at the same time. To top it all off, the Wall makes it virtually impossible to advance, as there are no ways to go around it—there are kids from one side of the hallway to the other. Walking to class should be easier than crossing the border.

BONUS TIP: Just because you’re sitting on the floor doesn’t mean your legs should become hurdles. 

I’m not in track and field for a reason: jumping hurdles. Just kidding; there are plenty of other reasons why I’m not in track and field, like running. I DIGRESS. I can imagine that even the best of the best hurdle jumpers would prefer to keep their hurdles on the track and out of the hallways, especially when you’re daring them to jump over human legs. If you have yet to imagine the picture I’m trying to paint, well, I’ll just show you:  

It would probably be better for your circulation, too, if you just criss-crossed your legs, or, an even crazier idea, just stood. Honestly, I’m here to get an education, not play hopscotch.